Responisibility for life and actions begins for a person when? I'm 25 years old and folks are still telling me what to do, where to go, and how to do things. I won't lie. Right now I'm not perfect. I used to be though. I did it all right once. Every rule I followed because I thought it would make someone happy. God, parents, grandparents, siblings, church, friends. But you know, I have never quite made the cut with anybody. Except with a select few.

Been on this discovery to realize that I hate the fact that everyday of my life I let someone else make my decisions for me. That everyday I don't believe that God can speak to me Himself and that He needs to speak to me through someone else is the day I get further away from God. That everyday I have to listen to someone else scream at me because they don't like something in my life is another day that I have to fight for some reason to get up tomorrow.

I hate church most of the time because it has become such a chore to go. Someone always feels the need to harrass me and check up on me because I'm not there. I don't want to go because someone else wants me to go. I want to go because I want to go. The more they harrangue the less I want to attend.

I hate being condemned for the lack of perfection in my life and being told I'm going to hell if I don't immediately repent, blah, blah blah. I'm fine. Really. I know what the right choice is and if everyone would just leave me alone I'll make my choice on my own time. Who are they to judge? I know where they have been.

Arggh!!!!!!!!! I'm not stupid. I just am tired of the Bible being thrown at me. I'm sick of the junk I have to hear all the time. Spiritual abuse is not easy to come out of and I want to be allowed to recover in my own time.

I'm tired of being torn between all of it. God is real to me. But in a different way right now. Please if you love me, stop trying to save me and just pray quietly if it means so much to you.